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I found the principles, rules, and techniques outlined in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People to be very interesting. Many other self-help books advertise that they have the secret to becoming great at something and make it seem like the key to being great lies in one simple secret. How to Win Friends and Influence People was nothing like that. Instead it laid out a number of simple areas that one needs to excel in to be great in the four concepts discussed in the book. What made it even better is the fact that each of the instructions are things that are fairly easy to implement.
How to Win Friends and Influence People focuses specifically on four different concepts involving interpersonal communication skills. Those four concepts are: fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like you, how to win people over to your way of thinking, and how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Each of these overarching concepts are then broken down further into tips for becoming better at them, with between three and twelve tips for each.
Upon finishing the book I decided to rank the concepts in order from what I thought needed the least improvement to what I thought I would need the most improvement in. After careful reflection I came to the conclusion that in order from needing least improvement to needing most improvement the categories would be ranked: 1.) How to make people like you 2.) Fundamental techniques in handling people 3.) How to win people to your way of thinking 4.) How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Once I had the concepts ranked I started to plan how I would try to implement the specific tips in order to make myself better at interpersonal communication.
I began with the category of how to make people like you. How to Win Friends and Influence People breaks down the concept of how to make people like you into six principles, rules, and techniques. The first rule is to become genuinely interested in other people. I felt that of the six points this was one that I could definitely use some improvement in. I am able to be genuinely interested in other people if they are talking about a subject that is important to me, but if it's something that I don't care much about then I have trouble remaining interested. In order to become better at this I made a concerted effort to remain interested in what people are saying to me, even if it's not the most interesting topic to me. The second, third, and fourth items on the list are smile, remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to a person, and be a good listener while encouraging the other person to talk about themselves. I believe that I'm already pretty good at each of these aspects so I made an effort to ensure that I continued excelling at them, but didn't change anything about them. The final rules are to talk in terms of the other person's interests and to make the other person feel genuinely important. I worked to improve in these two areas by first asking questions to determine the other person's interest and then relating back to them whenever possible. I believe that this helped improve the second area as well because the best way to make someone feel important is to show them that you are listening to what they're saying and that you care about it enough to recall it. By specifically targeting the three areas that I identified as potential places for improvement, I was certainly able to improve my ability to make people like me.
The second big category that I looked into was the category of fundamental techniques in handling people. This category is only broken down into 3 rules, techniques, and principles by How to Win Friends and Influence People. The first rule is don't criticize, condemn, or complain. This is something that I immediately knew I could use some work in, as I have been known to do all three of those things at times. In order to prevent myself from doing any of them, or at least doing them less, I made a conscious effort to catch myself before I was about to say anything negative. The second rule is give honest and sincere appreciation, which I believe is already an area that I'm fairly strong in. The third and final rule is arouse in the other person an eager want. When I first read this I didn't really understand what it meant at all, but after reading it over a few more times I began to realize that it is something very important in dealing with people. In order to become better at it I showed people how I would help them out.
The category that I ranked third in terms of needing the most improvement was how to win people over to your way of thinking. How to win people over to your way of thinking has twelve different rules, techniques, and principles that outline how you can become better at it. The first one is that the only way to get out of an argument is to avoid it. Right away I knew that this was an area that I could use some improvement in. In order to try and become better in this area I would stop myself when I felt myself about to argue with someone and question whether or not the argument would be worth it. If I determined that it wouldn't be then I just kept my mouth shut instead of fighting. The next two rules are show respect for the other person's opinion while never telling them that they're wrong and if you're wrong admit it quickly and emphatically. I feel that when I am wrong ready and willing to admit it, but I also tended to call other people out when they are wrong. In order to work on this I allowed for other people to admit that they were wrong before I would say that they were, and if they never did then I would let it slide as long as it didn't really affect me. The next two rules are begin in a friendly way and get the person to say "yes, yes" immediately. I believe that these two rules are related and that I am generally good at both drawing people into the conversation immediately and doing so in a friendly way. The next two rules are to allow the other person to do the majority of the talking and to let them think that an idea was his or hers. These were two areas that I identified as potential areas for growth. In order to improve them I tried to ask more open ended questions that would allow the other person to talk and then ask them questions that play off of their answers after. I also began giving credit to other people for ideas that weren't necessarily theirs and found that it definitely helped to win them over to my way of thinking. The next three rules are to try to honestly see things from the other person's point of view, be sympathetic to other peoples' ideas and desires, and to appeal to nobler motives. These are three areas that I am already strong in so I didn't change much in any of them, but made sure to keep paying attention to them in order to stay at the level that I'm at. The next rule is to dramatize your ideas. In order to improve on my dramatization of my ideas I worked to talk about them in a way that was exciting so that they would be more interested in them. The final rule is to throw down a challenge, which is something that I already consider myself good at.
The area that I ranked as needing the most improvement was how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Not only was this the area that I was the weakest in, but it also is the hardest area to master. Dale Carnegie outlines nine rules, principles, and techniques for becoming more effective in this area. The first rule is to begin with praise and honest appreciation, which is something that I think I tend to be pretty good at, and becoming better is simply a matter of paying close attention to what you're saying. The next rule is to call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly. In my opinion this is the hardest of any of the concepts outlined in How to Win Friends and Influence People, as it requires a great deal of nuance in order to do it correctly. I tend to either directly call attention to other people's mistakes or just let them slide, but in order to become better at calling attention to them indirectly I tried asking questions that would lead the person to realize that they were wrong for themselves. The next rule ties in well with this, as the rule is don't give direct orders, ask questions instead. I found that both of these are extremely effective. The following three rules are to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person, let the other person save face, and praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. In order to get better at these 3 things I did exactly what they say and found them to be somewhat effective. The next rule is to use encouragement and make any faults seem easy to correct. This is something that I felt would be very beneficial for me to get better at. In order to become better at this skill I worked to change my reactions to people's mistakes and encourage them whenever possible. Finally, the last rule is to make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. I worked to improve on this by framing my requests differently. Instead of simply telling people what they should do I tried framing the request in the form of a better tomorrow message, showing them how doing something would be beneficial to them.
Before reading How to Win Friends and Influence People I was extremely skeptical about how effective the rules, techniques, and principles outlined in the book would actually be, but after having read it and implementing some of them into my everyday life, I definitely see the value in it. I saw notable improvement in my communications skills, particularly my interpersonal skills as a leader. From here I plan on continuing to work on further improving these four key areas in order to become even better at them.
How to Win Friends and Influence People focuses specifically on four different concepts involving interpersonal communication skills. Those four concepts are: fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like you, how to win people over to your way of thinking, and how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Each of these overarching concepts are then broken down further into tips for becoming better at them, with between three and twelve tips for each.
Upon finishing the book I decided to rank the concepts in order from what I thought needed the least improvement to what I thought I would need the most improvement in. After careful reflection I came to the conclusion that in order from needing least improvement to needing most improvement the categories would be ranked: 1.) How to make people like you 2.) Fundamental techniques in handling people 3.) How to win people to your way of thinking 4.) How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Once I had the concepts ranked I started to plan how I would try to implement the specific tips in order to make myself better at interpersonal communication.
I began with the category of how to make people like you. How to Win Friends and Influence People breaks down the concept of how to make people like you into six principles, rules, and techniques. The first rule is to become genuinely interested in other people. I felt that of the six points this was one that I could definitely use some improvement in. I am able to be genuinely interested in other people if they are talking about a subject that is important to me, but if it's something that I don't care much about then I have trouble remaining interested. In order to become better at this I made a concerted effort to remain interested in what people are saying to me, even if it's not the most interesting topic to me. The second, third, and fourth items on the list are smile, remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to a person, and be a good listener while encouraging the other person to talk about themselves. I believe that I'm already pretty good at each of these aspects so I made an effort to ensure that I continued excelling at them, but didn't change anything about them. The final rules are to talk in terms of the other person's interests and to make the other person feel genuinely important. I worked to improve in these two areas by first asking questions to determine the other person's interest and then relating back to them whenever possible. I believe that this helped improve the second area as well because the best way to make someone feel important is to show them that you are listening to what they're saying and that you care about it enough to recall it. By specifically targeting the three areas that I identified as potential places for improvement, I was certainly able to improve my ability to make people like me.
The second big category that I looked into was the category of fundamental techniques in handling people. This category is only broken down into 3 rules, techniques, and principles by How to Win Friends and Influence People. The first rule is don't criticize, condemn, or complain. This is something that I immediately knew I could use some work in, as I have been known to do all three of those things at times. In order to prevent myself from doing any of them, or at least doing them less, I made a conscious effort to catch myself before I was about to say anything negative. The second rule is give honest and sincere appreciation, which I believe is already an area that I'm fairly strong in. The third and final rule is arouse in the other person an eager want. When I first read this I didn't really understand what it meant at all, but after reading it over a few more times I began to realize that it is something very important in dealing with people. In order to become better at it I showed people how I would help them out.
The category that I ranked third in terms of needing the most improvement was how to win people over to your way of thinking. How to win people over to your way of thinking has twelve different rules, techniques, and principles that outline how you can become better at it. The first one is that the only way to get out of an argument is to avoid it. Right away I knew that this was an area that I could use some improvement in. In order to try and become better in this area I would stop myself when I felt myself about to argue with someone and question whether or not the argument would be worth it. If I determined that it wouldn't be then I just kept my mouth shut instead of fighting. The next two rules are show respect for the other person's opinion while never telling them that they're wrong and if you're wrong admit it quickly and emphatically. I feel that when I am wrong ready and willing to admit it, but I also tended to call other people out when they are wrong. In order to work on this I allowed for other people to admit that they were wrong before I would say that they were, and if they never did then I would let it slide as long as it didn't really affect me. The next two rules are begin in a friendly way and get the person to say "yes, yes" immediately. I believe that these two rules are related and that I am generally good at both drawing people into the conversation immediately and doing so in a friendly way. The next two rules are to allow the other person to do the majority of the talking and to let them think that an idea was his or hers. These were two areas that I identified as potential areas for growth. In order to improve them I tried to ask more open ended questions that would allow the other person to talk and then ask them questions that play off of their answers after. I also began giving credit to other people for ideas that weren't necessarily theirs and found that it definitely helped to win them over to my way of thinking. The next three rules are to try to honestly see things from the other person's point of view, be sympathetic to other peoples' ideas and desires, and to appeal to nobler motives. These are three areas that I am already strong in so I didn't change much in any of them, but made sure to keep paying attention to them in order to stay at the level that I'm at. The next rule is to dramatize your ideas. In order to improve on my dramatization of my ideas I worked to talk about them in a way that was exciting so that they would be more interested in them. The final rule is to throw down a challenge, which is something that I already consider myself good at.
The area that I ranked as needing the most improvement was how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Not only was this the area that I was the weakest in, but it also is the hardest area to master. Dale Carnegie outlines nine rules, principles, and techniques for becoming more effective in this area. The first rule is to begin with praise and honest appreciation, which is something that I think I tend to be pretty good at, and becoming better is simply a matter of paying close attention to what you're saying. The next rule is to call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly. In my opinion this is the hardest of any of the concepts outlined in How to Win Friends and Influence People, as it requires a great deal of nuance in order to do it correctly. I tend to either directly call attention to other people's mistakes or just let them slide, but in order to become better at calling attention to them indirectly I tried asking questions that would lead the person to realize that they were wrong for themselves. The next rule ties in well with this, as the rule is don't give direct orders, ask questions instead. I found that both of these are extremely effective. The following three rules are to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person, let the other person save face, and praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. In order to get better at these 3 things I did exactly what they say and found them to be somewhat effective. The next rule is to use encouragement and make any faults seem easy to correct. This is something that I felt would be very beneficial for me to get better at. In order to become better at this skill I worked to change my reactions to people's mistakes and encourage them whenever possible. Finally, the last rule is to make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. I worked to improve on this by framing my requests differently. Instead of simply telling people what they should do I tried framing the request in the form of a better tomorrow message, showing them how doing something would be beneficial to them.
Before reading How to Win Friends and Influence People I was extremely skeptical about how effective the rules, techniques, and principles outlined in the book would actually be, but after having read it and implementing some of them into my everyday life, I definitely see the value in it. I saw notable improvement in my communications skills, particularly my interpersonal skills as a leader. From here I plan on continuing to work on further improving these four key areas in order to become even better at them.